I am the redheaded stepchild of my writers' group. Truly. Never mind that I hold a degree in English or that I've been published twice with two more projects under contract. What taints my credibility, you see, is my genre: Romance. In fact, one "person" had the audacity to say romance hardly qualifies as a genre. She's lucky I didn't let the air out of her bouffant hairdo.One man repeatedly chants his anti-romance mantra, "Boy finds girl. Boy looses girl. Boy gets girl." He writes for newspapers. Yeah, we all know what direction the future of those rags are going.
I shared a chapter of my current WIP once a month. Last Tuesday I read. One lady, known for her "Oh, I don't like this word," scrunched her nose and asked, "Why would you say 'his breath fluttered her hair and caressed her cheek'? What's that all about? I wouldn't find that romantic at all. Who wants a man breathing all over your face?" The muse on my shoulder hissed, "Ask her if she's frigid."
We had three new people in our group that night. One of our regulars asked if any of them wrote romance. When they all shook their heads, the woman. who has yet to write word one, breathed, "Thank God."
Listen to me. I sound bitter, don't I? I'm not. Just concerned about my growing dislike for the group. I don't think anyone should remain where he or she is belittled. I don't know how much longer I can remain. Yet, the thought of leaving the group saddens me since I was one of the three organizing members.
Still, I'm not sure how emotionally healthy staying is for me...romance writer of the thin skin. I suppose I have a choice to make. Either stay and stop sharing parts of my current project or leave. Because I think I've endured my last night of four or five people trying to out shout the other to point out what they perceive to be worthless writing.
I wouldn't want you to remain in such a situation. I'd encourage you to go where you're more appreciated. Shake their dust off your feet and keep on truckin'--and, yes, that WAS a cliche.
Having vented about my hurt feelings, I wish for all of you a 2012 of feeling valued, growing in your craft and helping others achieve their dreams. Writers need to encourage each other, no matter what genre we write.
12 comments:
Oh my, You have got my 'dander' up with this one.
I'd be questioning the relationships of all these people. I'd be quoting the fact that romance is the biggest selling genre in all its facets.
I'd be asking why they considered themselves qualified to be part of any writing group, and as one of the founders of the group I'd bring in a rule about expelling negative and abusive members. You may end up in a group of one, but at least you could start afresh.
Seriously, I am so sorry to hear about your group, and don't blame you at all for venting.
Just think of all the tv soaps that go out every day, if there was no romance there'd have nothing to fight about for the rest of the program, every progam. There are very few books - apart from non-fiction, that don't touch on a relationship that has a romantic element, even if it is only refered to in a six word sentence at some point in the plot.
How many murder and mystery plots revolve round shattered romance? It's still there, even if it is the dark side of romance.
Whatever you decide, be true to yourself, that's all that matters in the end.
A big ether hug comiing your way.
I agree with everything Sherry said, plus their attitudes will kill the group.
Point out women are the largest group of readers, and they like to read romance, plus almost all fiction has interaction between people hinting at romance.
A critic group is not formed to denigrate another work, genre, or author, but to make positive suggestions to improve the work.
If you want to stay, and as one of the founders, you should point out some of these realities. Remind your group that if everyone wants to criticize the medium, or the the genre, there is plenty of fodder for everything, including journalism and the 'literary' genre.
Receiving criticism is difficult even at the best of times, so to receive it in such a belittling manner must be very offensive.
Thanks Sherry and Rhobin. I've appreciated your cyber hugs and words of encouragement.
Life should be lived in the positive, don't you think? I think what I mind the most is the lack of respect and the constant belittling. I don't understand the impetus behind it.
I would think if these writers need to attend genre specific crit groups if they don't want to deal with the romance genre. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of attitude. I'm all for constructive criticism. I welcome it. That's just unprofessional and ugly.
I belonged to an online community that seemed to enjoy belittling. I moved on really fast.
Bless your heart. Have you discussed it with the other founders?
Oh Vonnie, how awful to be surrounded by such people. I have received a bit of that treatment in the past, from so called "real" writers. How anyone can discount romance as real beats me. Years ago my own husband sneered at my attempts and stalled my writing for years. Later, remarried to a much nicer man, he encouraged me everyday. Isn't the very core of life romance? Even the darkest mysteries have to include romance, the interaction between people.
Those people sound like a bunch of snobs who are in dire need of a little romance in their lives, something they may never be privileged to experience, just because they think they are to good to indulge.
You just keep on doing what you do Vonnie, and if you must move on, do so. That group will be worse for the loss of a fine, intelligent, sensitive writer who sees the positive and romantic side of life. Big Hugs to you!
Vonnie, please go out and start a new group. You must have stumbled upon some very rude and inconsiderate people. I don't believe all writers are like that, but some are, and, obviously, you found them!
All the best,
Monti
Charlene-I found it a little humorous that one of the ladies visited a writers group in a nearby town. With a sniff of her upturned nose, she said, "I don't think I'll go back. They're just not as advanced, as talented as us." To which I thought...Yeah, but they might be nicer. Thanks for your support. Life is too short for negativity.
Jinny, my husband is a published author also. He has spoken in my defense many times. He's all for leaving. He is my cheerleader sans short skirt. ;-)
Monti, I belong to several writers Yahoo loops. Their support has been invaluable. I can't praise enough the positive and sweet interaction with these romance writers. Thanks for commenting.
I love your calling your husband your cheer leader! Now thats what romance is about!
*Snicker* Not laughing at you. But if you want to REALLY stir up a storm, you should read a bit from an erotic romance for them...
Even other romance authors get snooty. Somehow, sex negates the romance--though I haven't figured out how that works.
I say toss 'em all out on their ear and start from scratch. Life is way too short to deal with negativity. Blessings on your day.
I would venture to say you are probably doing better with your writing than the rest of your group. Sounds like you need to find a romance writers group. Hugs,
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